Well… Here I am, almost six months on in my new home and community and I have to say, it’s not been an easy transition! After the furor of packing (thanks Liz and Bryanna), moving and the newness of a new home and community have worn off, I was left with what I thought was just me. While in part, that was true, there was a bit more to the story; or so at least, that I’ve recently discovered.
Self-pity… it’s not something I’ve fallen into the clutches of for the majority of my adult life, but it has happened from time to time. Very recently too which is why I’m writing this today.
A friend of mine recently tweeted “Don’t let self pity get the upper hand… Instead of sinking into doom and gloom, encourage urself!” Fortunately, my attitude about life has over the past month, found me in a much healthier and happier state of mind. The statement in this tweet however, reminded me of where I was a just a short while ago and what my attitude toward life was like.
If we have the privilege of knowing each other personally, you know… we’ve hung out, you’ve probably come to know that there are a few things that motivate me. I’ve discovered that one of my greatest motivators and sources of value is service. I always thought it was being around people, but I’ve come to learn that isn’t the case. Of course, people are a part of that process, as is the feedback I receive from them, but that’s not what fries my bacon! Service is! Giving and enjoying the journey while making an effort or serving, is a huge part of what fuels my human fire. I came to realize though, that I somehow managed to remove myself from that process. Many friends said… you’re uprooting your whole life… give yourself a break… your path will come in time and you will find your way. I guess I figured to a degree, that gave me an excuse of sorts in that I needed time to acclimate and connect with my new community. Instead, I found that I had taken myself further away from any connection or opportunity for service. I had begun the process of wallowing. I just didn’t realize it because I started in the shallow end and slowly let myself get comfortable swimming in the cold water!
Sometimes, we need “down time”. We need a period of rest and time alone, but that shouldn’t be at the expense of our community and service or whatever our life drivers or motivators are. Of course, I needed the opportunity to see where I can be a part of service in and to my community, but I also discovered something else that is very important. I discovered that I needed to serve myself to a degree. I thought that meant making a home, resting and taking time for me, but what a very good friend of mine reminded me of was key in turning my cycle of self-pity around.
As I said… service is a big value component in my life, but something that goes alongside it for me is gratitude! I have so very much to be grateful for and I’m not talking just about the big stuff like an incredible home, living 200 meters away from mountains (which also happen to be my backdrop). I’m talking about simple things like having plenty of food! A great career! Wonderful and giving family and friends. The ability to hear and see the Canada Geese as they fly overhead while I write this to you. The smell of fresh air! I am truly blessed! There are people who lay suffering in whatever circumstance life has brought them to and who would love to say… “I can sit outside, smell the fresh air, sip on my coffee and listen to the birds!” The ironic part is that I’ve seen many of those same people expressing their gratitude for what they have in their less than ideal circumstance! Gratitude is a choice of attitude!
Sometimes, we need to remind ourselves that there is so much more to life than what is happening around us and to us! I have nothing to complain about and yet, I do and I know I will continue to, but there’s a big difference for me now. I’m reminded! I’m reminded because I have chosen to make myself aware.
I lost touch with my gratitude somewhere along the way. For years, I used to always talk about how blessed I am and how fortunate I am that I get to live the life I do! What a revelation it was that in the unfolding of the choices I’ve deliberately made to start this new part of my life… choices that have brought me to a beautiful new home, new friendships, a new community and affirmation of the friendships I’ve been blessed with for many years; I’d lost touch with the simple pleasures in life and the gratitude for them that I should have been acknowledging. I’m right now, sitting on my deck with the sun just peeking around a tree and the mountain scape it overlooks and I’m reminded of what I have! I have plenty! I have the love and acceptance of great and loving family and friends and I more than anything else, I have the Love and acceptance of God!
Gratitude is a choice of attitude! Damn straight it is! So… in that knowledge, I want to say thank you to my friends and family who have been so patient with me during this new part of my life. Sometimes, we need to bump along the hallways of life to find our way… and sometimes, we need someone to turn on a small light!
I wish you were here with me right now… the air smells like I’m camping by a stream in the pine forests of British Columbia… what’s wild is… that’s where I currently live. Now, I’m just going to give myself the opportunity to enjoy what I have and more importantly, to be grateful for it! So in that spirit… rather than just looking at the mountain I call beautiful, I decided to get off of my ass and climb it!
Thank you, for being willing to hang out with me and for flipping the light switch from time to time!
I’m giving the last words to a very wise man who wrote some things which have long been on my Facebook page… I’m glad I finally came to my senses and started to live them again!
“I believe the single most significant decision I can make on a day-to-day basis is my choice of attitude. It is more important than my past, my education, my bankroll, my successes or failures, fame or pain, what other people think of me or say about me, my circumstances, or my position. Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there is no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.”
“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it”